


What He Was (What I Will Be)

by Voidfish



Series: Thor's Week 2019 [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 23:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17273528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: Thor had grown up with a few certainties - his father was his idol, his mother would be there for him, and Loki was his friend. Now, none of those are true.He had to wonder if he had been blind to the truth. Had it been in front of his eyes the entire time?Would it had mattered if it had been?





	What He Was (What I Will Be)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 2 of Thor's Week: Family.
> 
> This piece was a cathartic way to explore Thor's relationship with his father, which was loving but not always healthy, in my opinion. Lots of discussion of what was healthy and not, but there's no child endangerment or child abuse.
> 
> Also, featuring Tony, Bruce, and Thor's improv therapy session.

Heimdall, when asked about his abilities, would always refer to them as a curse. Thor had never understood that, never understood viewing your gift as anything less than a blessing. Particularly when your ability was something as useful as true vision. 

Thor thinks that now, looking at the ruins of Asgard, the fractured pieces of his childhood, he understands the problem with seeing the world as it truly is. Because it's easier to pretend, to see a softer world through a distorted lens. The truth hurts.

Thor had grown up with a few certainties - his father was his idol, his mother would be there for him, and Loki was his friend. Now, none of those are true.

He had to wonder if he had been blind to the truth. Had it been in front of his eyes the entire time?

Would it had mattered if it had been?

***

Thor was a young prince, and a smart one at that. He knew his father as two separate men - there was Odin the king and Odin the father. Thor had met with both men, and he greatly preferred his father compared to the monarch who scanned his eye along the land. His father was a warm man whose laugh echoed across the room as he sat, enraptured by Thor's stories. He had a kind, sorrowful look on his face and Thor could see on that great face the battles he had been in. He would do anything to protect this man, to make him smile.

Odin the king, however, was a stone-faced ruler whose strict orders must be immediately followed. Most of the time he would be found in the throne room but on occasion he would appear to scold Thor and Loki.

Thor told Loki of his observation, but for some reason Loki did not believe it.

"He is just one man," Loki would tell Thor. Loki was young but wise, eyes keen and observant. "He is kind and he is cruel. He loves us and he doesn't. That is how it is."

Thor would shake his head. "Father loves us, Loki," he would insist. "But the king has to rule."

Loki would sigh, a small smile on his lips. "Whatever you say, brother."

***

"He despises me," Loki spits out, voice cruel though his breathing shudders.

"He does not," Thor says. "He will move past it."

Loki shakes his head, moving around the room they share in quick motions. Loki is a teenager, and although Thor is the same he considers himself far more mature than his younger brother. "He didn't yell at you," Loki notes, face becoming guarded.

Thor cannot stop the laugh that comes out. "Because I did not get caught. If I had, this would be a different conversation."

"But you were there. He knows you were involved," Loki says, "and yet he blames me solely."

"You have no proof," Thor warns.

"I do have proof! He hates me. That is proof enough."

Thor frowns. "Loki, you are acting like a fool. Father loves both of us. It is hard being a king, sometimes he acts out, but there is never a doubt that he truly loves us."

Loki's eyes, filled with fury, lock onto Thor's own. "Maybe it is never a doubt for you."

***

Thor mourns Loki's fall, as does Frigga, but the people of Asgard do not. And neither, it seems, does Odin. 

"Do you miss him?" Thor asks.

Odin turns. His face, once expressive and filled with love and sorrow, is solid as stone. "I failed him," Odin says. "I failed you both. I tried my best to prepare you for what was to come, but I could not."

Thor feels his breath begin to quicken. "Answer my question. Do you miss him?"

Odin looks at him for a moment before his face softens and Thor sees his father grieve in front of him. "I do," he admits. "I knew that one day I would lose him, but this was too soon."

Thor lets out his breath, slowly. For a moment, he feels like he sees his father for the first time.

"We all failed him," Thor says. "We shall not fail each other."

Odin nods. "You've grown wise."

"You've taught me well," Thor says.

Odin's smile is genuine. It's a rare sight to see, nowadays. "No, I cannot take credit for that. You've learned on your own. You will do better than I have."

***

"So," Tony Stark says, "why do you always introduce yourself as 'Thor, son of Odin' instead of talking like a regular person?"

"Tony," Bruce Banner hisses beside him.

"It is fine," Thor assures the scientist. He's not entirely sure why Stark had invited him to his mansion to have a meal. According to Tony, the rest of the team would be arriving soon in order to share a meal as a team. Thor had arrived early, with nowhere else to be, and had been surprised to see Banner there as well.

"I'm just saying," Tony continues, "it's weird. And I'm trying to be considerate - stop rolling your eyes, Bruce - I'm trying to be kind and asking what's the deal instead of just making fun of it."

"It's a custom, on Asgard. My father is Odin, I am his son, therefore I am Thor Odinson." Thor shakes his head. "It makes much more sense than your Midgardian surnames."

"They did it in ancient Scandinavia, too," Bruce mutters. There's a pause for a moment before the physicist raises his eyes. "But what do you go by if you - well, if you were theoretically adopted - "

Tony interrupts him. "Yeah, what does Loki go by?" Bruce places his face in his hands.

"I suppose he is Loki Laufeyson," Thor admits. "Although I am not sure. The situation is still strange."

Tony nods. "And what if someone hated their dad? Can they just not go by anything?"

Thor pauses. "I suppose it would be fine, instead, to just be called your name. Is there a reason for this conversation?"

"Do we need a reason to talk about hating dear old dad?" Tony shrugs. "Just curiosity. It's what motivates me."

Thor startles at that. "I do not hate my father," he growls. "I would suggest you not talk of the Allfather that way."

"That's not what Tony meant," Bruce clarifies, hands sprawled out ahead of him in surrender.

Thor breathes out, looking over at each of them embarrassed. "My apologies, then."

"Yeah, that's not what I meant," Tony says, "but now I'm curious about the relationship between you and daddy dearest."

"Tony, not now," Bruce warns, but the other man seems to ignore him.

"Because, and I'm not the expert on healthy relationships, but whatever that was? Exploding at the idea of having daddy issues? Classic daddy issues behavior."

"I would be careful with what you are implying," Thor says.

Tony raises his hands in surrender. "I'm not trying to start a support group or anything. I'm just saying, think about it." Tony stands up, stretching before moving towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna get something. You want water? Soda? Scotch?"

"Water," Banner supplies.

Thor thinks. "Do you have coffee?"

Tony laughs. "Sure thing, point-break. You do it with sugar and cream?"

Thor nods. Tony leaves, and for a moment the silence is almost comfortable before Thor turns to Bruce.

"Do you think I have father issues?"

Bruce laughs dryly at that. "I'm not the best person to ask, honestly - I don't exactly know what's healthy or not. And it's hard to tell, whether the way you grew up is normal or healthy or not."

Thor nods. "I do not know why Stark's words affected me so. I am truly sorry if I frightened you."

"Tony crossed a line." Bruce assures him, standing quickly to stretch. "And, Thor? Whatever you figure out, we're here for you."

***

Odin lies, Loki cheats, and Thor deals with the consequences. That's the order of things on Asgard, the naturally cycle of things.

There was a time where the world was black and white, Thor thinks as he watches his father turn to golden ash beside him. Where he would have done anything for his family.

When he knew, without a doubt, who was his enemy, who was his friend, and who his foe.

That world is gone, Thor knows. He’s not sure what has taken its place.


End file.
